Singing in the Shower

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Finding Happiness

I have always been a dreamer and a list maker. In college I made the most extensive bucket list of things I wanted to do before I die. It was full of crazy, vibrant, energetic endeavors. I wanted to face down alligators, lions, bears. I wanted to experience passionate love. I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to be fearless. And I was.

I can honestly say, with the exception of floating in a hot air balloon, during college and the 5 years after college, I did all those things. I saw the animals. I saw wild bears in Colorado. I saw sharks up close, albeit in aquariums. I experienced the fiery passion and pain of love and attraction. I traveled to other continents and met people around the world. I completed the triathlon after a year of physical training. I bought a guitar and attempted to sing and play for a year.

Then I settled down. I began my career as a public teacher and started saving for retirement. I furthered my education, increased my debt, and began a lifetime of labor. And I got deeper and deeper into depression as I let go of the wild and exciting aspects of life. About midway through that period, roughly 3 years ago until now, I read the 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. He awakened in me a desire to create a new bucket list, aka Dreamlines. For about a year I tried to come up with new dreams that I could chase after. I wrote about it on my former blog. The problem?? My New bucket list was Pathetic! I couldn’t even dream anymore! I listed career goals, things that would help me feel like life was okay as it is. I couldn’t see outside the box I was in. I listed some material objects that I wanted to obtain, even put down that I needed a new car. How boring? Was this it? Not even 30 years old and the biggest thing I could dream of was purchasing a new car that wouldn’t break down? Teaching an advanced level class to the same students? The list made me sad rather than excited. I blogged it and put the whole idea aside, and continued to struggle with depression for another year.

Until now. I am waking up. I have been hibernating long enough. I came to a breaking point in my career, in my physical condition, in my stagnant life. I can thank one person, my BFF Melanie for pestering me about her new fitness kick. She was running challenge groups thru Beachbody and has her sights set on getting a six-pack. She kept calling me and asking me to join her and get in better shape, maybe even coach. I said No without hesitation time after time. I wasn’t ready. Not mentally, not emotionally, not physically. I had time for work only, and outside of that I was constantly exhausted. I was depressed. I cried a lot, had no dreams, sometimes wondered what’s the purpose in life if this is all there is. My life was extremely stable, content, and set.

But she got through to me. She didn’t change what she was doing she was just persistent and contagious. Her energy convinced me that I could maybe do this. I bought an Insanity Challenge Pack. I decided to sign up as a coach thinking at the very least maybe I could get my money back. I threw together a fitness blog while I was also building one for my art. But something happened. Over time, I realized I was starting to wake up and hope again. Maybe my body COULD change? Maybe I COULD do well as a coach? MAYBE I would even have some cool before and after pictures and a muscle toned body. It was something I hadn’t done before! A new bucket list idea!

And then it grew. I started singing in the car, the shower, and I realized I was starting to feel HAPPY! That got me thinking, I used to be a really good singer, and now my voice is always strained. Maybe I should try to improve my voice again? Maybe I could even start over with the guitar, or even better, try the piano! I know someone that plays the piano maybe they would teach me . . . . . .

So my point? It took physical health to wake me up, to make me dream again. I tried every other trick in the book: counseling, reading, career aspirations, list making, but the one thing that worked the best and the quickest: Physical fitness.

Becoming physically active and setting a new goal for my body was the key to happiness. It was the trigger to setting off a whole new mindset. And finally, I feel like I have a bucket list that is worth living. I’m so pleased and so happy. Feel free to take a peek at it.

Bucket list March 2013

Learn guitar again or switch to piano, or both.
Sing good again (take lessons)

Learn Spanish
Study spanish in another country
Teach English to non native speakers

Get certified as a personal trainer

Have a six pack and awesome body

Get professional photos for my fitness site, (official After pictures) and professional photos for my art website.

Earn a sustainable income from my passions.

Europe round 2: Iceland, Finland, Poland, Greece.

Visit Costa Rica, panama, Incan ruins in Peru.

Complete another triathlon.

Teach online and/or at the college level.
Teach and work with adults.

Conquer depression once and for all.

Be beautiful again.

Learn to garden vegetables, herbs, and fruit.
Become a master gardener.

Raise a family of ducks on our pond.

Build an at home gym with natural light, an endless pool, and a hot tub.

Road trip west coast, from Seattle to San Francisco

Visit these places again: Maine, Tampa.

Visit Asia, visit Aries in Hong Kong.

Study Asian art.

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